On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve
as food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for
the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created expensive furniture so that the cat would
have objects whereon to sharpen its claws.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy
and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox.
How to Bathe the Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have
both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both
lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his
paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate
and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet,
the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash
and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there
are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he will dry himself.
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